Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I've been really struggling lately, as you've probably noticed from my sporadic posting. I can blame it on being sick and being under a lot of stress, but really, I just haven't had the strength. I'm feeling kind of down on myself, but I'm also hoping I can get back on track.

With the warmer weather, it's a lot easier for me to get some exercise, just through walking with the kids. I may not be increasing my heartrate as much as I should be, but every half hour spent walking around the block is a half hour I'm not on the couch.

I've been tired a lot lately (my own fault for staying up too late), which makes it hard to be there for my kids. My boys have always been really independent and so long as I put in a little effort with them, they're more than happy to spend the bulk of their free time playing together without me. But lately Colwyn's been asking me to do stuff with him, rather than me initiating, which is a signal that I'm not initiating nearly enough. I feel bad that when he asks me to play with him, all I can think is, "How can I distract him so I can rest for a few more minutes?" I really need to get my butt in gear, both with going to bed earlier and with getting in shape so I'm not so tired and lazy all the time.

I'm off to google healthy snack ideas.. wish me luck getting back into the swing of things, and for anyone out there who is struggling, too, know that you're not alone. It's hard work!


Jennifer said...

Okay, the list below doesn't have point values - but I just happened to see this on the "50 Million Pound Challenge" website today. My name is Jennifer, by the way...I'm a "blog lurker" who likes referring to the WW food list on your site! Hang in there...It will get better! I started out at 235 on January 8th, and am now at 198. Some days are easier than others, but I'm so determined to keep on keeping on and hopefully reach my goal of 150 by October! Thanks for the great resources you provide on this site! :-)

7 saltine crackers
Popcorn, air popped (3 cups, no butter)
6 saltine-type crackers topped with 2 tsp low-sugar jelly
2 tbsp sunflower seeds
10 - 14 almonds
1 low-fat granola bar
10 cashews
2 tbsp raisins and 10 peanuts
4 slices melba toast
Smoothie snacks (1 snack)
4 animal crackers and 1 small orange
1 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 medium banana, frozen
1 1/2 cups baby carrots
1/3 cup plain low-fat yogurt dip and 2 cups raw vegetables
15 grapes and 1/2 cup of low fat milk
8 halves dried apricots and 1/2 cup skim milk
1/2 cup sherbert
2 graham cracker squares and 2 tsp low-sugar jelly
1/2 cup sugar-free chocolate pudding with 2 tbsp whipped topping
2 small chocolate chip cookies
1/2 small pack of licorice
1 small brownie
2 rice cakes topped with 1 tsp peanut butter
2 gingersnaps and 1/2 oz cheddar cheese
1/2 cup of plain low-fat yogurt

RitaS. said...

Hi, Rachel,

I read your Musings and my heart was aching for you. Please, please, tomorrow is another day. Weight loss is very hard, but it's not as important as your mental state. Do you have somebody to talk to? Friend, confidant? I'm not preaching, but I sense the signs of depression - my daughter was diagnosed bipolar about 17 years ago and we went to hell and back. Thanks God she got the right help. If you want to talk, e-mail me at semsorok@comcast.net. As for your diet, I'm using LIVESTRONG.COM. Their group " More than 50 pounds to lose" is great. I'm there as "sem40". Get out there and talk - it will help a lot. Don't get discouraged!!! You will pull thru. I hope to hear from you soon.

barb said...

Hi all, there is also a great website called hungry-girl.com. It has great new low cal food choices and recipes, and new items that are coming out. Check it out, if you sign up, you will get an email from them everytime something new has been posted. I bought one of the cook books and its really pretty good. It shows you how to make all the good and fatening foods low cal/low fat.

Keep up, don't give up. I too started a diet in Jan and have lost 50lbs so far with at least 30 more to go (started at 262 and at 212 now).

sandy said...

It is because of your website and your blog that started me into reviewing myself and finally started this journey for a healthier body.

You are a true inspiration. You insights are wonderful, your resources are great.

Read back to your blog and rekinder with the reason you started this journey. I read it daily to keep me going.

thank you.

Marie said...

I totally understand wanting to rest, but at the same time feeling guilty for putting off playing with the kids. I'm exactly the same. I stay up too late, mostly because I crave the silence, then I want to sleep and nap during the day. My kids 3 and 5 ask me "Can we wake up now?" several times before I get out of bed. I don't know what to do either. I try to make it up to my kids, but I know that I have wasted some days. This is a big motivator to get in shape. It's not so much being thin and looking hot (though it would be nice) I just want to be there for my kids. How do I build energy? It's hard to get started. Does anyone have any tips?

JJLink said...

I wanted to just say thank you for bloging your weight loss journey. I started mine in February and think your site is great. I wanted to share my experience with sleep and my weight loss. I find it hard to get ample rest lately because I've been working 2 jobs which drastically cut my sleep from 7-8 to 5-6 hours a night. After the first week I hadn't lost any weight, even though I had eaten properly. Without sufficient rest my body refused to shed weight. After two nights off and a good 7 hours of sleep my body shed 5 pounds. I just wanted to reiterate the importance of proper sleep in aiding with weight loss. Be encouraged and keeping trying hard! Thank you for sharing your journey!

RitaS. said...

Hi, Rachel.

Please come back, I miss your Musings.

I hope, you are OK.

Talk to you later.

Theresa said...

I think being there for your kids is important but it is also very important for you to have some time to yourself. Wanting to sleep a lot is definitely a sign of depression. Weight loss is also hard on a person and I hope you are able to get back on track. I just came across your blogg by accident. I was trying to get motivated to loss some weight myself. I am a stress eater and the more stress in my life the more I cook. I would love to break that habit but it is so comforting.
I was on weight watchers a few years back and I did so well. I lost 32 pounds and I would love to be able to loss again. I find as soon as you start to loss the weight all of a sudden you have more energy. I wish you the best of luck. Having small children is a work out all in it self.

Nora said...

Hey sweetheart, don't be too hard on yourself. You're juggling a lot and just feeling strained and overwhelmed is all. And yes, you sound a little depressed, and hopefully you have someone to talk to. In lieu of that, let me just say IT'S OK. Don't let yourself beat yourself up. I used to do that (and still do occasionally) and it has never ever ever gotten me anywhere except to feel worse about myself and further myself from my goals. I learned to soften my approach by a combo of things: walking for an hour, some good advice from the Intuitive Eating book, and the therapist I started seeing (although the book and walking are helpful even without the therapy). Get back in touch with yourself for a bit :) It will help you on your weightloss journey.

Thank you for your points website by the way, I have used it before and it's invaluable. :)

Leby Sassya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John Yatz said...

"Musings" Great & Unique Name
I read your Musings and my heart was aching for you from worries. I am a guy and my friend is on weight watchers, I know how you feel, I weigh 293lbs myself. It is a great program if you have a support system. No one should go through this alone. Unless you are a recluse, and having children indicates the opposite.
I do not think you have depression by any meaning. I do sense a struggle; it is “A” OK. Life is nothing without a struggle or challenge. Some folks use struggle to keep them sane, have you ever encountered an old man that loves to get people in trouble just for the heck of it, or get two people fighting each other just to amuse himself.
Most importantly, your Blog is very inspiring, your kids are very lucky.
Come back, many seems to be very worried about you. I am not worried, you are very strong human being, I know if a person is capable of organizing such invaluable & wonderful site and its blogs, can never be defeated. You need a group of support start from home then friends, beware some young girls “Daughters” are very impressionable.
From what I read it seems that you are living in the country side or rural area. Enjoy the walks, bike rides, camping if possible (I know it could get more difficult at times) and picnics, being out is the most valuable step you can take, all the greenery should bring joy to your heart also it gives you time to think and recalculate your goals (Prioritized).
We have 5 kids and my most repeated words to my wife are “if you do not take care of yourself first, how would you expect to help your own kids”; you basically would need someone to care for you, and when there is no such help you continue with your responsibilities while wounded, and trust me if I tell you, you are way to far from your goals at that stage. That is why I recommend you to go out for your own sanity, and then approach anything you want to deal with from the (its) outer shell.
I am a guy and I think this way, Imagine yourself fighting 6 people would like them to surround you, while fighting, or take them out one at a time. I am sure you can translate it, to be in Ladies/Girls term(s).

You are by far the most amazing woman I know. I say that and I mean it, in the same time I hope you would forgive me if I sounded like I am preaching to you.

Good luck my sister, best of luck. You did inspire many people with your hard work; therefore your payback is on its way to you (Have Faith & Trust in Our GOD).
Just take it easy.
July 28, 2009 6:56 AM